Funnily enough I’ve been revisiting this contemplation recently myself… We should chat, I’m festering a big idea that I’d like to discuss with you. (How cryptic is that?) Chat soon!

Well, as one who does not possess a female form but does fall into the category of “those attracted to the female form”, I can only say that over time I feel less and less inclined to separate my appreciation of the form from my appreciation of the content, so to speak. As with beauty in art or music, female beauty can be appreciated in a variety of forms. What’s the “ideal” novel? The “ideal” poem? The “ideal” song? There’s no such animal. Likewise with the female form. No need to despair: I think more people understand this than one might think.

Yo Josie; yes indeed, now I’m intrigued; let’s talk soon fo sho.

Eric, of course, there are as many ideals as there are opinions, or at least theoretically there are. In reality, that’s not what anybody sees reflected in their culture. I think we can acknowledge [without being too disingenous] an all-pervasive media ideal of beauty, which we can either follow, actively reject [which tends to reinforce it, in my experience], or ignore [almost impossible, even for the very incisive media critic]. Pretending that this ideal is *not* dominant is as toxic as pretending we live in a “post-racial” society, dig?

I do dig. I guess I do wonder what’s to be done about it, though, given that I’m not really in control of anything but myself (and not even that, at times). Other than “being the change”, what does one do? I don’t mean it rhetorically or fatalistically – it’s a genuine question.

Oh, and “pretending” and “toxic” were, I thought, a bit stronger than my first post warranted. Just sayin’. I don’t think I was pretending anything of the sort. At the same time, though, surely we’re not entirely at the mercy of any form of falsehood, this one included? Given that you yourself posit essentially three responses – accept (bad), actively resist (counterproductive – I agree) or ignore, isn’t the last the best of a bad set of options?

I hate to answer your questions with a question, Eric, but in class I’ve talked a lot about expansion of vision and possibilities: is the last the best option? or are there more options? The 3 I outlined are the ones you’re gonna see the most often, and most of us will tend to model the behaviour that we see already around us. Can we, collectively, visualize a way to do better?

Yes, that was kind of my point originally, I thought. I mean, I take it that the idealization we’re talking about here is primarily a mental phenomenon, right? It may manifest in ads and TV shows and films and behaviour, but those are seeds and ultimately have no effect if they don’t take root and grow in people’s minds. So yes, it’s very real, it exists, but given that it’s not being physically forced on anyone, is there not the option to say: I’m not going to let this seed take root here? However you accomplish that? Easier said than done, sure, but then most things are. So by “ignore”, I don’t mean something passive – just pretend it doesn’t exist – but active: be aware of it and decide to act like it doesn’t exist. Take control. Weed it out, and plant something different. And the “something different” I see is not to be constrained by a narrow and artificial ideal of beauty, but to learn to appreciate it in all its great variety of forms and manifestations. But it’s not to reject n the idea completely either, because I think that in most people’s experience there actually is such a thing.

So hopefully we’re actually vehemently agreeing with each other, because I would hate to find myself in disagreement with you. But understand that what I say is true for me – I claim nothing more than that.

yes, yay, yes.

love your blog, girl.

keep on rockin’ it.

xoxo dani
http://www.somethingdani.com

Eric: Well, sure, we can only speak from our own experience And I agree that CONSCIOUS ignoring of the status quo is superior to UNCONSCIOUS ignoring; it has a higher vibration. Anything consciously chosen is gonna have more whammy than just being sucked up into societal momentum. Not sure if you’ve ever taken one of my classes where we talk about matrika, the concept that words solidify the abstract and create reality…the short version is that, yes, your mental patterns help generate your vision for your future, including a healthier body-image for women…and then thinking in clear words [maybe motivational speech, or mantras] help even more, and talking to other people about that helps more still, and inspiring those around you who may believe in the current unhealthy body image to shift their views is higher still, and so on. So while believing in a healthier vision of women’s bodies is ABSOLUTELY necessary, may this technique of visualizing a more positive reality not blind us to the reality RIGHT NOW, which is that it’s crappy. Part of this practice is acknowledging women who are fed right up with having to see this life-denying vision of themselves all over the place, even if it is boring and uncomfortable to have to hear. Which you are doing, of course, since you’re a smart and compassionate man. Watch those around you, though, and watch how inertia can sometimes cloak itself in a positive visualization of equality as a fait-accompli.

Dani…thanks bud…you’re K’s friend, yeah? Your LA Weekly article about the poly couple killed me. Awesome

Agreed. Thanks for taking the time to have the conversation, Sjanie – it helps me get my own thinking clearer. Missing your classes a lot.