There are two kinds of colds in this world:  one variety is certainly symptomatic and makes you a medical menace to man and beast alike, but you can kind of worry down a Contac-C Non-Drowsy and go through your day with dessicated mucous membranes and a clear heart.  The other variety, while it has cold-like symptoms, is more an affliction of the soul.  I’ve been down with the latter, culminating in a sleepless whooping-cough night filled with weird nightmares, fear and loathing.

To add insult to immune injury, the stupid AC adaptor to my lovely lappy decided to bail [maybe because it is FILLED WITH EVELYN TEETH MARKS??!?!!/!??!!1!!  Who can say in these trying times?]  And if there was ever a time when it was appropriate to sit in bed and watch the entire Pixar movie catalogue on your laptop, this was that time.  It also stifled my blogulation a bit, for no good reason I must confess, since the desktop is not 4 paces from where the lappy is usually set up, but M and I are one of those highly digital couples where any time spent together involves at least 3 screens up and running [desktop with good graphics card to play .avis with no hiccups, the TV to show said .avis, and the lappy to settle any trivia or cast-related debates without having to get up ("Isn't that the guy from Rudy?")]  But it just wasn’t the same.  I love my lappy, so Godspeed to ol’ eBay as they send a replacement adaptor.

Okay, so night before last was the really ghastly one.  My nightmares involved pieces of space shuttles crashing into my ancestral home and neighbourhood, flaming wreckage everywhere; no doubt this was due in part to the most recent episode of “Fringe” with planes falling out of the sky in Scarsdale, so viewers beware.  It [the nightmare] still sent me scurrying to the Dream Dictionary in the morning.  Here’s what I got:

"Sweet dreams and flying machines, flying safely through the air"

To dream that a plane crashes, signifies that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself and are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals.

…

WHICH ONE?

I was back to the grind yesterday morning anyway, after I realized my body might be improving but my heart was not benefitting from grogging around the apartment.  All the way to the studio I’m trying to think of a compelling theme and also trying to parse the Dream Dictionary koan.  WHICH ONE?  Is my intuition trying to tell me I’m barking up the wrong tree, trying to get certified, trying to teach for a career [or write more or sing more or whatever]?  If so, wouldn’t I be a bit of a chomer to totally ignore my own internal promptings and hammer on all the same?  Maybe they’re hiring at Starbucks.  Visions of my bank balance are dancing in my head at this point.  OR, was this dream a call to refocus on my goals…to hug in more, stronger, to practice more assertive mental hygiene and bust all these worries and Negativity Prayers?  It’s like trying to keep the hot stuff hot and the cold stuff cold:  how does it know?

I got to the studio physically shaky [you know how you feel better when you are still at home but as soon as you venture out you realize how you're not really better?  Yeah.] and not a little mentally confuzzled.   Gotta make some yoga out of this stuff.  Here we go…

I felt better almost as soon as I got started, and continued to improve all day with some good sweaty practice.  The more I taught, the more I saw my community, the more I held to what was the higher truth [that is, what I wanted to offer to people, instead of rolling around in my own mess] the more my heart cleared.  After my last evening class I got some lovely positive feedback from some regular yogis, basically to the effect that I was “giving so much”.  Let me be clear:  I get at least as much as I give.  I so appreciated what they said, but in all honesty my work is my healing; coming in to teach was by far the best therapy  my body and soul could have received.  I suppose this is what is referred to as “doing your dharma”, and it helped me come down on the side of the latter Dream Dictionary interpretation.

If you are troubled by whether or not it is appropriate to follow your dreams, whether they will serve the larger purpose as well as light your heart, consider that the sweetest dream will actually do both in equal measure.  When I am feeling tired or unwell or less-than, there is an enormous resource waiting for me in the form of getting reconnected to my intention and having the world rush up to support it.  And sometimes a flaming spaceship crashing into the neighbour’s roof is just too much farfalle the night before.

2 Comments »

February 14th, 2009 maggie Says:

friday night. at home, g’s out, cubs are tucked in snug as bugs and sawing logs. we’re all fighting said cold. but me? i’m curled up in my nest of microfiber laughing my derriere off. i love your stuff. thank you for bringing it all back to the yogs. and thanks for making my evening.
mwah.

February 19th, 2009 admin Says:

Hey Mags, sorry I was so late in getting your comment out of moderation…got to meet Heather this weekend…thanks for the referral! Hope you and the fam are feeling better. Much love.

Leave a comment