This is a very strange thing to be writing about on the Intertubes; so strange, in fact, that I’m not exactly sure how to go about it. It’s what I’d really like to write about though, so it’ll be good to see if I can figure it out.

I’ve always had a have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too approach to spirituality: namely, that I resist being saddled with one of those outré monotheisms because they’re just so darn unfashionable, and plus, what if I want to do something that my codifed faith doesn’t let me do? Don’t want to get caught in a lie, or get in trouble, or live a life of denial, so I hedge my bets. However, I have always prayed since I was very young, and in spite of a high-school relationship with a Dead Kennedys fan I haven’t been much of a vocal atheist. I acknowledge the softheadedness of the foregoing; I’m just saying.

As I grow I see both the logical errors of religion, its perils and disasters, AND its relevance, with more clarity. High school kids who fancy themselves clever [pedants in training, presumably] love to rile up their Catholic-school teachers or fundamentalist parents with the raw numbers of how many have been killed sorting out God’s various iterations, and it’s a pleasing gotcha for the kid but it never seems to have the intended effect [“Really? Well, shoot, let's just forget about the whole thing then”]. In spite of those clever, clever kids, the darn spiritual world just keeps turning up like a bad penny: Pema Chodron, Hildegard von Bingen CDs, Eckhart Tolle and the whole Oprah contingent, Rumi calendars at the stationery store. And of course Madonna and the Beastie Boys [viz. “Bodhisattva Vow”], &c. &c. I know and have read a whole whack of people who are contented to consign this entire branch of humanity to the Idiot Pile, even the Dangerous Idiot Pile. I think it’s fascinating in the same way that I think watching television and noticing what shows like “Fringe” tell us about what is common societal currency [Massive Dynamic is MASSIVE! and Dynamic!]

I lack the skillz and the knowledge to get into even rudimentary theology here; all I can really do is pay attention to what these people and their related products and services think are important. Turns out it’s a bunch of things that I think are important, like cultivating virtues towards those who challenge you, becoming more aware and mindful of your actions and choices, and infusing the moments in your life with a deeper consciousness. Like Tolle, I see the common misstep made by those of faith when they stop listening and start blowing things up; I don’t think it’s that they BELIEVE, it’s just that they stopped paying attention. Their belief is sort of a red-herring, which yer more virulent brand of atheists likes to find and poke with a sharp stick. Like I said above, satisfying for the adolescent atheist, full of sound and fury, signifying a fight between family members or a D-grade on an exam.

Anyway, with all of that going on in the old cranium I thought I’d left the idea of God as Bearded Sky Dude behind a long time ago. He’s so very unfashionable, that Sky Dude. Hard to find people in my particular demographic who will cop to believing in a God like that! So when I began to grow in my yoga practice and started a more devotional form of meditation, it was interesting when the mantra that came to me was “Not my will, but Thy will be done”. Hmm. Paging Richard Dawkins, Richard Dawkins to the white courtesy phone.

The divine, as manifested in Gary Larson

This mantra helped me through a bummer time in my life, and also helped me through some incredibly challenging yoga classes also. “Thy will” took on the form of whatever teacher I had, and it just made sense [esp. reinforced by various pop-yoga short forms that deride The Ego [TM]…poor ego, always getting the short end of the stick] to set aside what I wanted to do [“my will” being: leave this incredibly hot room, or come out of Natarajasana] and just do as I was told instead.

What I hadn’t bargained for was the hidden premise in the poetry of this little mantra of mine. Sure, I was seated in lotus and there were murtis of Ganesh here and there, and we chanted OM &c., but my God was still Bearded Sky Dude and I was the lowest mortal worm. “My will” and “Thy will” were OPPOSITES, and He could see my desires and they were WRONG WRONG WRONG, BAD NAUGHTY. Come out of Natarajasana? Puny human, I shall smite thee with guilt at having not sufficiently transcended The Ego [TM]. Not do the ENTIRE Ashtanga primary series? Why, are you not feeling well?

I had what you might term a philosophical restructuring during my Anusara immersion, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as Bearded Sky Dude was set aside. He did not go quietly. He still shows up from time to time to say things like, “Well, just because you wish it doesn’t make it so!” and “You WOULD want to bail on Hanumanasana, lazy sod”. The philosophy that I am now cultivating is that wishing it can indeed make it so, and that I can come out of Hanumanasana whenever I please, because I was made in His image and although cursed with a thin beard I have a spark of the Creator in me. [See Tantra for more details; I certainly am] Let me be clear, since I suspect I haven’t been: I’m saying funny, mean things about my perception of God because before I felt like we were separate, and opposites. The voice is obviously not that harsh all the time [although it can be], it’s just that the premise it operates on is that my desires need to be set aside because that is Thy Will. As opposed to: It is Thy Will that I desire what I desire, and I will serve your intention best by getting quiet, figuring that out, and working towards a better world. Ya dig?

Okay. So. Right around this time I stopped my longer seated meditation, especially mantra practice. There was no need for this; nobody told me to. It just kind of…happened. I’d still do shorter, centering sits, and if we were asked to sit for a long time in class I didn’t have a problem with it or get fussy or fidgety or anxious. I just wasn’t doing it on my own. I usually ended up in the lobby before class, talking with my friends and students and teachers. This was a shift. I lost my mala [again, not on purpose, it just happened]. And lately I’ve been missing that practice, so I decided I’d give it a shot.

I tried my old mantra, and it was like a dial tone: nobody home. Bearded Sky Dude did not show up to berate me. I tried some other faces of deities, Hindu and otherwise, hoping something would resonate. Nothing. They all just seemed too limited. But then when I got very diffuse and theoretical I lost the heart component of what I was meditating on [braham nirguna, without aspects, is very tough to ensnare with my puny synapses]

I am looking for a God-face that I can see clearly when I sit. S/he has grown on me, too big to be compassed by my old techniques, too big to be battled, too big to be kept in a little linguistic or historical box. I’ve been out in the world, doing what I believe to be her work, trying to get a handle on the enormity of the divine that I have welcomed into my mind and heart…but it’s bigger than I thought, and in some ways I miss the familiar faces of the limited divine that takes on these aspects so that we might see it more clearly. I just can’t FEEL those right now. I’m not sad; it’s really interesting to me. The best part is that I no longer perceive myself in opposition to the currents of the divine’s will. I am, as my teacher John Friend says, flowing with grace; I am the fish who can’t see the water she swims in. Not bad for a years’ work.

Will we ever run out of ROCK? NEVAR!!!!1!1oneone!!

I’m leading up to a “Best of BRF ‘08” before New Years’, and then we’ll move into some other genres in ‘09.

Led Zeppelin, “Stairway To Heaven” [I LOL'd]

KISS, “Rock’n'Roll All Night”

Harsh, dude

Ozzy Osbourne, “Crazy Train”

Def Leppard, “Pour Some Sugar On Me”

White Stripes, “Seven Nation Army”

Heart, “Barracuda”

Def Leppard, “Love Bites”

Rolling Stones, “Ruby Tuesday”

Extreme, “More Than Words”

Procol Harum, “White Shade of Pale” [Live]

Supertramp, “Crime of the Century”

Rolling Stones, “Wild Horses”

Beatles, “Good Night”

A duo of curries for your making and eating pleasure. Please feel free to use the curry powder or masala that warms your hearts and your bellies; I’m going to tell you what I used, and you can go from there.

I don't think you're ready.

Cumin-Cardamom Rice

In a high-sided soup pot with an available cover, heat

1 tbsp canola oil

over medium-high heat. Add

1 tsp cumin seeds
¼ tsp tumeric
¼ tsp powdered ginger

and stir. Add

2 cups basmati rice
About 4 or 5 cardamom pods

and stir to cover; heat to toast rice [a couple of minutes], and then add

4 cups fresh filtered water.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover, and cook until almost all liquid is absorbed. Remove from heat and let rest. Fluff with a fork after about 10 minutes. Fluff again before serving.

For both curries:

1 yellow cooking onion, peeled and quartered
2 fresh tomatoes, quaratered

Preheat oven to 375. In a small roasting pan, add the vegetables, drizzle with olive oil and add a couple shakes each of sea salt and pepper. Roast until the natural juices are starting to be released, about half an hour.

In a blender, add the roasted vegetables to:

a thumb’s worth of fresh ginger
3 cloves garlic
several sprigs of fresh coriander
½ cup of water
several splashes of Bragg’s

Puree thoroughly and set aside.

Spicy Potatoes and Kale, inspired by Vij’s

About 2 lbs fresh new potatoes, chopped in 1” chunks
1 bunch green kale
1 bunch spinach, or 1 box frozen chopped spinach [the latter avoids the “pasty” taste that spinach can leave on the roof of your mouth; I'm not saying, I'm just saying]
1 small can chopped tomatoes

In a heavy-bottomed pan, heat 2 tbsp olive oil over medium high heat. Add:
1 tsp garam masala
2 tsp curry powder
tiny pinch asaofoetida
sea salt and pepper

Add potatoes and stir to cover and saute. After potatoes have been heated through, add the kale, spinach, canned tomatoes, and HALF of the blender sauce. Season to taste [a couple of splashes of Bragg's sets it up quite well]. Cover and heat through. Stir regularly. Lower heat once it is boiling vigorously, continue to stir, and cook until potatoes are tender [about 20 minutes]. Take off heat and let rest for a couple of minutes before serving.
Curried World Peas

Doesn’t everybody want world peas? Before you start in with the cooking, take the last half of your blender sauce and put a can of coconut milk in there, as well as a tbsp of your fave curry powder. They sell a great one in prohibitively expensive packet form that’s designed for gobi [cauliflower] but that tasted great with this recipe [note: NOT the pastes, this is a powdered spice blend]

In a soup pot with a matching cover, heat

1 tbsp olive oil

Add:

1 tsp red mustard seeds.

Cover until the mustard seeds pop. Add

Add:

1 can chickpeas or about 1 ½ cups cooked chickpeas, whatever you have on hand
1 package frozen peas or 2 cups fresh green peas
sea salt and pepper

Stir to cover and heat through, and then pour the blended sauce/coconut milk/curry combo over top. Heat until bubbling, lower and let simmer [about 15 minutes, it won't take long to bring everything together]. Season to taste.

I was gearing up for some good Eka Pada Koundinyasana B, or II, or whatever floats your boat, as I had some trouble with it in class the night before.  It’s always been a bit of a problem pose for me.  As it happened, today I held the right side for a good 4 breaths, even getting a softer heart, but couldn’t even get my left side up at all!!  snarl!  Ah, well, my feeling in practice lately is to emphasize our first glorious principle of alignment:  take a big breath, soften, get spacious, and calm down.

Cat/cow…getting a bit anarchic towards the end, side bending and whatnot

Adho Mukha Svanasana

Uttanasana

Parsva Uttanasana

Urdhva Hastasana

Surya Namaska w/low lunges, just flowin’, ya dig?

Adding a simple twist to the lunges, emphasizing the openness in the low waist where I get a little stuck.  Should try forgetting to pay the gravity bill this month.

Standing side bend from Urdhva Hastasana

Parsva Konasana:  Before doing all of my “homework”, I just paused and grooved on it for a while.  Man, that pose is sweet.

Vira II variation w/hands clasped behind back

Utkatasana to Uttanasana w/hands clasped behind back

Parvritta Utkatasana

Abdominal Exercises Vol. 1:  Straight leg raises, nice’n’slow

At the wall:  Adho Mukha Vrksasana, scissoring up, alternating legs and trying to peg the midline right at the top.  Good times.

Abdominal Exercises Vol 2:  From Navasana, right leg & torso lower, then back up, then switch

More AMV, this time longer holds…ButtPower™

Trikonasana – Ardha Chandra Chapasana – Standing split

Visvamitrasana prep

Eka Pada Koundinyasana II [with spotty results, see above]

Balasana

Janu Sirsasana – Parvritta Janu Sirsasana

Paschimottanasana

Savasana

Try this at home! [level 1/2 practice]

*ahem*…Oh hemp shower curtain, though soil’d by hair-dye of darkest raven black from All Hallow’s Eve, thy woven strands prevent a mildew’d bathmat, impress mine friends, and intimidate mine enemies. Praise be thine!

Could I compare thee, natural loofah dishsponge, to another not so natural dishsponge? I thinkest not, as your absorption rate is as lavish as any others, plus thy loofahey top is so easy on mine fingers, whilst all the while being tough on cak’d on grime.

Poised to be returned to thy maker, Preserve Recycled Plastic Toothbrushes tower, like some mighty stand of pine, vertically in the apothecary’s cabinet. I blush for shame at pressing too hard when I brush but forsooth, thy bouncy bristles broach a brisk buyer’s bliss. How I lust for thy sisters, Preserve Recycled Plastic Razors, Cutting Boards and Prep Bowls; nature has graced thy family with no small share of beauty.

“No Fake Crap!” thy bold label proclaims; no shrinking violet, thee, but Blue-Q’s Get Real sunflower-oil-based lavendar body lotion…ah, ’tis a fair flow of dactyls dangling down thy bottle. Neither fussy pump nor gooey screwtop keeps me from thy emollience.

And yet…oh, fortune is vain, except that fortune which guided me to Method products: truly, the greatest passion of my heart, in which the other fair denizens of thy kingdom shrink to glowing eco-embers. Thy innumerable forms are as the chimera: multipurpose wipes, high efficiency laundry soap, essential oil dryer sheets, almond wood floor treatment. Sweet Method, may flights of Al Gores sing thee to they rest.

I’ve had some fabulous and lavish trips to various NA cities [fave: San Francisco] but my ideal holiday is still camping. This preference probably came about initially because of my misanthropic/introverted tendencies [I'm totally the old lady who's going to be screaming at kids to get off her lawn] but has had additional, less grumpy-sounding benefits!

This might be a little TOO much significance

You know what makes movies like “Castaway” so interesting? It’s how everyday objects take on a greater significance. Tom Hanks’ volleyball buddy is a good example. Compare Wilson to a rack of gleaming generic volleyballs at SportChek and you’ll see what I mean. (I hope this doesn’t come off as a “What is the world coming to? Won’t somebody think of THE CHILDREN?” kind of rant, but I do feel overstimulated in our fair city sometimes, and Vancouver is a place where the natural world gets a front and centre seat [or, well, it's supposed to...perhaps a rant for another day]).

So Mr. Hanks removes generic volleyball #1 from its context of identical volleyballs and it becomes friend, proto-deity, and foil. Sure, we say, he’s on a desert island practicing his own dentistry, he’s gonna end up chatting with a volleyball.  The question is: is it possible to create that kind of focus and absorption in an object WITHOUT having to crash land and grow a long beard? Because I have been cursed with a thin beard.

When I’m camping, partially out of necessity and partially out of urban-sensory-deprivation, everything takes on a greater significance. I can’t go to the Safeway to get another lemon, so I’d better be frugal with the lemon I have. My health-care options have been curtailed from a Shoppers’ Drug Mart and a walk-in clinic to the MedEvac helicopter [and believe me, I know I'm lucky to have that] so slipping and falling on a rock takes on an additional layer of potential disaster. For someone like myself, so quick to move on to the next exciting shiny thing, this mandated focus is incredibly healing. The ADHD city, while fun and intense, doesn’t often provide those opportunities naturally.

You can see where I’m going here: We have to create our own opportunities. When you pick up the volleyball in SportChek, without alarming the staff, can you slow down and really SEE it? [You don't have to talk to it.] Sure, you’re probably not going to slip and fall walking down Main Street, but are you paying attention to what you’re doing, or are you handing the ol’ cerebral cortex a double-helping of worry and projection? You can get a lemon at the corner store these days, so when you cut into a lemon at home, can you smell it and feel its cool nubbly skin with total presence of mind?

The shift from absence to presence does not have to wait for a holiday. Think of nature the way we usually think of it [unspoiled vistas, trees, &c.], realize that even an urban setting is OUR nature, and be in it with the same fullness that you would be on a rock in the middle of nowhere.