Lincoln and the Union Christmas Dinner. They didn't have Tofurkey because Lincoln was Republican.

I had originally written an impressionistic post that was just bragging about our Christmas Eve and the dinner we had going on. I’ve since decided that that was kind of jerky, and to share this masterpiece with the world. A little context here: We couldn’t leave to see M’s family since we’ve been snowed in with what’s being described as the worst snowstorm Vancouver has had in 25 years, so we put on all our gear and hauled up to Capers in the cavalcade of last minute shopping and about 2′ of wet snow. Our mandate was, if you saw anything you wanted [croissants, pie, ice cream, chocolate, fruit, smoked salmon &c.] it went in the basket, and Capers is now part of Whole Foods [a.k.a. Whole Paycheck] so it was quite the lavish treat. We even got imported organic wild cranberry sauce and avoided the traditionally revered, yet repellent, “stshtshstshthtshthup” of the canned stuff. This was a combined effort, but you can do it yourself if needed. Feeds 2 people twice [Christmas Eve and Christmas Day] or 4 people once!! All recipes below the fold.

M’s “Tofurkey Sounds Like A Joke, But This Is Serious” Tofurkey Pot Roast
n.b. The corporate spelling of “Tofurkey” is “Tofurky”. I can’t even begin to enumerate the reasons why that’s wrong, so with all due respect to Turtle Island Foods, I have spelled it correctly below.

1 Tofurkey brand roast, thawed and unwrapped
1 ½ cups tiny whole button mushrooms [cremini are ideal]
½ cup fresh chanterelle mushrooms, coarsely chopped
3 small shallots cut into garlic-cloved sized wedges or chunks
5 whole cloves garlic, peeled, topped and tailed
¼ cup olive oil
1 tsp kosher salt
½ tsp white peppercorns
2 whole allspice, uh, nuggets [what do you call those things anyway?]
¼ tsp pink peppercorns
¼ tsp each: dried oregano, dried rosemary, dried sage [ours was from our summer bumper crop of purple sage in the garden]
½ tsp dried tarragon
*In a mortar and pestle, combine salt, all peppercorns, and all dry herbs and grind finely.
Fresh black pepper
1 “chicken” bouillon cube dissolved in 1 cup boiling water
To the hot bouillon, add 2 tbsp of finely chopped dried porcini mushrooms and a pinch of saffron; set aside
1/3 cup dry white wine [we used Semillon Chardonnay]
3 cups baby potatoes
1 bunch carrots, washed and partially topped to leave a bit of green [about 1/2”]

Preheat oven to 350F.

In a medium-sized enamelled cast iron casserole pot, heat olive oil on high. Add fresh mushrooms and stir well immediately. Saute for 3-5 minutes, until they are starting to brown. Add shallots and garlic; stir to cover and saute for another 2 minutes. Add finely ground spice/herb/salt mix and a couple of shakes of freshly ground black pepper. Add Tofurkey roast and brown on a couple of sides [no need to brown the whole thing, it's not a real pot roast], about 7 minutes. Deglaze pot with white wine. Stir in bouillon/porcini/saffron mix. Stir to combine; add potatoes and carrots and stir to cover. Cover dish and put in preheated oven, and then do other things below, basting approx. once every 10-15 minutes. [Total cooking time is minimum 1 hour, but it can hang out in there for quite a while as long as it is covered and will not get dry or burn, so you can busy yourself with other side dishes and similar].

After the roast is done, and when you have a moment, take the whole shebang out and “carve” a.k.a. slice the roast. With a slotted spoon, take the root vegetables out and put in an oven safe serving dish; place sliced roast on top. Put in oven to keep warm. In the bottom of the cast-iron dish remains the most ridiculously tasty complex mushroomey/bouillony/winey/spiced/herbed gravy-base magnificence, so you can proceed below…

M’s “I Can Haz GRavi?“

Over medium heat, reduce the enamelled pot’s contents for about 4 minutes. Add a container of thawed Tofurkey brand “giblet” gravy [note: contains no giblets or anything even like giblets because, ew.] Stir to combine and heat thoroughly. Holy moly, gravy is great.

M’s Butternut Squash for the Lazy Gourmand

Peeling and chopping butternut squash is the worst job of all time and this recipe dodges that horror completely. I always get this disgusting orange film all over my hands that won’t wash off. Gah.

The oven’s already warm from the Tofurkey preheating, but if you ever want to make this on its own, preheat to 350F

1 butternut squash, cut lengthwise into 1” thick slabs and deseeded
Butter or Earth Balance butter substitute
The juice of one honey tangerine [orange juice would do in a pinch, but...please]
Kosher salt and fresh black pepper to taste

In a large flat Pyrex pan, add slabs of squash, brush with Earth Balance and a couple shakes each of salt and pepper. Roast until tender, poking with a fork every 10 – 15 minutes [e.g. when you baste roast]; total roasting time about 45 minutes. Turn about halfway through [when one side seems quite browned]. Remove from oven. Use a bit steel spoon to scrape out the squash and put in an oven-safe bowl. Mash w/potato masher and add tangerine juice; mash to a bloody pulp after that, and when it’s all mashed to your liking, put back in the oven to stay warm.

S’s I Yam What I Yams

2 large garnet yams, peeled and cut into 1” chunks
1 cup water
1 stick cinnamon, broken in half
5 whole cardamom pods
3 stars of whole star anise
Kosher salt
1 tsp Earth Balance
The peel and top and tail of about a thumb’s worth of fresh ginger; finely mince the rest once peeled
Freshly ground nutmeg and black pepper

In a small sauce pot, add water, yams, whole spices, ginger peel and a pinch of kosher salt. Bring to boil. Lower heat, cover and simmer until yams are tender, about 20 minutes. Set aside to briefly cool so that you don’t splash hot water on yourself when you proceed. You can manually mash them, but I used the KitchenAid stand mixer. Remove and discard the spice pods/sticks/stars/peels. Put the yams, the boiling liquid and the Earth Balance into the mixing bowl and mix on high speed until they’re whipped into a luscious froth. Put the whole lovely mash back into an oven safe bowl, put a couple shakes of fresh nutmeg and pepper on top, cover and put back into the oven to stay warm along with everything else [or, if making this recipe in isolation, EAT THEM].

S’s “You Can’t Just Have Soy Protein and Root Vegetables for Dinner, That’s Not Right” Broccoli w/Cheese Sauce

1 head broccoli, cut into florets
1 tsp Earth Balance
1 tsp white all-purpose flour
¾ cup milk [skim will work. But it's Christmas for God's sake]
About 2 tbsp each grated: Emmenthal, gouda, aged white cheddar
Splash white wine [Semillon Chardonnay as above]
Fresh black pepper

Start the broccoli florets steaming, and in a small sauce pot, heat Earth Balance on medium-low. When it’s melted, add flour and stir completely to combine. Add milk about a ¼ cup at a time and whisk rapidly until you make a roux. [If you prefer a thinner sauce feel free to add more milk]. Once the milk is in there, give it a couple shakes of black pepper. Add wine and whisk thoroughly. Add cheese, a pinch at a time, stirring until wholly melted. When sauce is done, throw in broccoli and stir to cover in sauce. If you’re making this in the context of the whole dinner, this should be the last thing that you do.

Serve with your fancy yuppie cranberry sauce! And wine and a movie. Suggested: “Ironman“. Then eat previously purchased pie, chocolate, ice cream, cookies, Ferrero Rochers, Bailey’s truffles, and fall asleep in front of the TV. Suggested movie for falling asleep in front of TV: The 1951 Alastair Sim “Christmas Carol“. I’d forgotten how awesome that was, when he’s all giddy at the end and using his Queen Anne chair as an inversion table to do a headstand.

2 Comments »

January 23rd, 2009 Natasha Says:

Allspice berries, my love.

January 23rd, 2009 einajs Says:

But…they’re hard and rattly…I should know better than to try and combat you in food-related matters, shouldn’t I? xox

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