*ahem*…Oh hemp shower curtain, though soil’d by hair-dye of darkest raven black from All Hallow’s Eve, thy woven strands prevent a mildew’d bathmat, impress mine friends, and intimidate mine enemies. Praise be thine!
Could I compare thee, natural loofah dishsponge, to another not so natural dishsponge? I thinkest not, as your absorption rate is as lavish as any others, plus thy loofahey top is so easy on mine fingers, whilst all the while being tough on cak’d on grime.
Poised to be returned to thy maker, Preserve Recycled Plastic Toothbrushes tower, like some mighty stand of pine, vertically in the apothecary’s cabinet. I blush for shame at pressing too hard when I brush but forsooth, thy bouncy bristles broach a brisk buyer’s bliss. How I lust for thy sisters, Preserve Recycled Plastic Razors, Cutting Boards and Prep Bowls; nature has graced thy family with no small share of beauty.
“No Fake Crap!” thy bold label proclaims; no shrinking violet, thee, but Blue-Q’s Get Real sunflower-oil-based lavendar body lotion…ah, ’tis a fair flow of dactyls dangling down thy bottle. Neither fussy pump nor gooey screwtop keeps me from thy emollience.
- Let me count the ways.
And yet…oh, fortune is vain, except that fortune which guided me to Method products: truly, the greatest passion of my heart, in which the other fair denizens of thy kingdom shrink to glowing eco-embers. Thy innumerable forms are as the chimera: multipurpose wipes, high efficiency laundry soap, essential oil dryer sheets, almond wood floor treatment. Sweet Method, may flights of Al Gores sing thee to they rest.
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